It seems that even if it were possible to banish stress from the lives of newlyweds, doing so might not be all to the good.

New Research

-      Suggests that in handling moderate doses of stress early in marriage, couples gain practice with stress that should help them surmount the tougher forms of it that may enter their future lives together.

-      Knowing they successfully have navigated stressful developments in the past gives couples needed confidence when stress arrives yet again on their doorstep, according researchers in the Department of Human Development and Family Sciences at the University of Texas in Austin.

-      For newlyweds, “a number of stressors tend to accompany the transition to marriage” such as relocation, starting a new job or completing educational programs.

-      It generally is thought that stress harms the quality of a marriage, researchers observed in a just-published report in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. “Traditionally,” they add, “it has been argued that stressful contexts render preserving a healthy relationship more difficult.”

-      But researchers go so far as to say that “beginning a marriage with little to no stress robs the couple of the opportunity to put their relationship resources to the test, and this can leave couples at risk for marital declines when future stressors, such as the transition to parenthood, are encountered.”

-      For newlyweds “who possess adequate initial resources for coping” with stress (that is, couples who begin with good communication abilities, supportive social networks, a willingness to see things from the other’s perspective, etc.), the experience of moderate stress provides “a training ground in which to hone their coping responses,” the report states.

-      This experience helps couples “build additional resources for facing future stressful events.” They grow more resilient in the face of stress.

Couples Need Stress Management Skills

-      “High levels of stress” in marriage “may sap couples’ energy and drain coping resources,” the researchers comment.

-      It is “important for couples to understand how stress may seep into marriage.”

-      Much of the study suggests that under conditions of high stress, the stress may overwhelm couples’ skills, even for couples who generally exhibit good relationship functioning.

Result

-      “Marriages may benefit if couples work on improving their stress management skills” in order to prevent stress from spilling over harmfully into their marriage.

-      Stress management skills reflects concern that couples experiencing high levels of stress often fail to utilize the communication or conflict-resolution skills they may have learned.

-      Some researchers find it ironic that “the very times when spouses need their relationship skills the most may be precisely the times when it is most difficult to draw upon those skills.”

-      “If stress drains couples of energy and self-control resources, it will be that much harder for couples to ‘do the right thing’” in the face of stress, for example, not to “snap back when a partner is short with you, etc).”

-      When stress impedes a couple’s “capacity to engage in the behaviors they know to be beneficial for the marriage,” they may need to add stress-management techniques to their basic communication skills.

-      These skills encompass awareness of the sources of their stress.

Couples Should Identify Outside Stressors

-      Often, the stress that spills over into a marriage really comes from outside the marriage; perhaps a husband’s or wife’s work is the source of the stress.

-      “As a first step toward successful stress management, couples may benefit from insight into how stressors encountered outside of the marriage may influence their thoughts and behaviors within the marriage.”

-      It is important that couples “identify the stressors surrounding their marriages” and “recognize the ways stress may influence” them as a couple.

-      The need is to “equip couples with better coping skills for managing or even reducing their stress,” as well as the need to “ensure that couples gain practice applying these skills to small stressors.”

-      A challenge posed for couples by this research – the challenge is to realize that all couples experience stress, and to take stress seriously, and to ready themselves as much as possible to cope with it.

-      But the good news seems to be that the practice newlywed couples gain with small and moderate levels of stress may have a certain “inoculation” effect. It can build up their defenses against future stress and help prevent stress from damaging their happiness.

-      Researches propose in their report that “weathering small challenges can enhance the durability of the marriage over time.”

Reference: http://foryourmarriage.org/how-stress-can-help-a-marriage

]]> http://www.stressmanagement.in/blog/2011/10/how-stress-can-help-a-marriage/feed/ 0 http://www.stressmanagement.in/blog/2011/10/stress-busters-what-to-eat-before-a-big-day/ http://www.stressmanagement.in/blog/2011/10/stress-busters-what-to-eat-before-a-big-day/#comments Mon, 03 Oct 2011 13:13:40 +0000 admin http://www.stressmanagement.in/blog/?p=302 For all those really big stress occasions – a wedding, for instance – what should you eat to ease the nerves?

Dieticians say one can have some yoghurt, or nibble on a banana or packet of mints. But, the key to alleviate stress is a good breakfast which includes carbohydrates with a low Glycemic Index (GI).

The perfect meal to alleviate stress is a good breakfast, preferably high in carbohydrates, but not neglecting the protein as well. Cornflakes, porridge or low GI breakfast cereals. Even if one wakes feeling nauseous with anxiety before a big event or stressful day, should always try to eat a good breakfast to get the serotonin flowing.

Both low GI and wheat-free foods- some suggestions

-      Indian daals, stir-fries with rice, sushi, noodles – they are all low GI.

-      Choose vermicelli noodles prepared from rice or mung beans and low GI rices such as basmati.

-      Use sweet potato instead of potato.

-      Choose fruits and dairy for their low GI.

-      If you can tolerate dairy products, then take advantage of them for their universal low GI.

-      If lactose intolerance is a problem, reach for live cultured yoghurts and lactose-hydrolysed milks.

-      Even ice-cream can be enjoyed if one can ingest a few drops of lactase enzyme first.

Melbourne dieticians say low GI carbohydrates have a calming effect because they increase the release of the feel-good hormone serotonin in the brain.

One should not skip the morning meal and should aim to eat low GI breakfast foods in order to ease anxiety. Something really low GI will not make you hungry half way through the day.

A good calming snack for the bride on the way could be a tub of yoghurt, a smoothie or maybe a banana, which is nourishing but not too high in fibre.

A Professor, from Sydney University’s school of molecular bioscience, recommended mint to lessen the effects of stress hormones. The stress hormones will increase the chances of getting a dry mouth.

As mentioned earlier a good breakfast to get the serotonin flowing. It’s the hormone that’s produced when we are calm, relaxed and happy. Another way to stop stress is to eat well the night before a big event, to ensure a good sleep. A warm glass of skim milk could do the trick, while some studies suggest a high GI evening meal before bed can help get to sleep faster. There is some scientific evidence showing that a high Glycemic Index meal shortens what’s called the sleep latency, which is the time it takes to fall asleep!

Reference: http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/wellbeing/stress-busters-what-to-eat-before-a-big-day-20110429-1dzji.html

After all, getting and staying married is as challenging, if not more, than getting into a good business school, engineering or medical college.
Yet, there is no preparation for this life-altering step.

On a serious note; marriage is a complex union and in India it is often not merely a matter of two people coming together to build a life, it is in fact two families coming together and the young, unprepared couple are often unable to handle the initial teething issues, pressure and changing dynamics that come with marriage.

Pre-marriage counselling is thus critical for couples getting married; some communities already encourage and conduct such workshops which help the couple understand and prepare itself for the joys and trials of marriage.
We all will agree that a little preparation can go a long way in avoiding the obvious mistakes and pitfalls.

So, the next time you are confused about buying a wedding present for a loved one, think of gifting the couple-to-be a workshop in pre-marriage counselling.