Stress Management » Tips

19 Feb 10, Friday: fairytales and children – part 2.

priyankac — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 10:10:04 +0000

Would like to start this series with tales that help children understand rational concepts; this way, as we go along, you (the reader) will soon be able to identify the kind of fiction that your child would benefit from.

The first ‘must-watch’ in my list is the animation film ‘Ratatouille’.

Short synopsis of the tale: would you even step into, let alone eat a meal that is cooked by a rat? This story is just that: a heart-warming tale of a rat who wants to be a chef against all odds (family disapproval, failures and heartache and his being a ‘rat’). What our children (and we) can learn from the tale:
Unconditional self acceptance: the lead character, Remy does not let the fact that he is a ‘rat’ come between his dream to be a great chef; his efforts, trials and tribulations are focussed towards this one passion; he even overcomes his family’s disapproval to reach his goal.

Importance of hard work and never giving up: Remy faces several obstacles and failures in his quest and although he is often sad and dejected, he never gives up; he takes failure and hardships in his stride and does his best to overcome them.

Risk taking: what more can one say about an impossible dream of a rat wanting to be a chef and doing all he can to make that dream a reality. If you don’t try, how will you ever know?

The above life lessons have a better chance of appealing to children if they are linked with an incident in their lives; for example, a young girl likes to play basketball but doesn’t make it to her school team and thus gives up; connecting this incident to the tale where Remy doesn’t give up when he fails would surely help establish this very vital life lesson that giving up or running away is never the solution.

Happy watching and I hope that we too can learn or revisit some important life lessons.

18 Feb 10, Thursday: Learning disability (LD)

priyankac — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 09:45:51 +0000

First of all, children with learning disabilities are normal and if not more, then as gifted and talented as the rest of the kids out there; having understood and accepted this truth is perhaps half the battle won for parents of children with LD.
Raising a child with LD has its fair share of challenges and heartaches but ask ANY parent and they will tell you that raising a child is literally no child’s play (no pun intended). The worst you can do for a child with LD is ignore or deny it; studies show that children who have received the right kind of help earlier on in their lives have been able to not only cope better but maximise their potential in the long run.
The first obvious signs that parents should not ignore are delayed milestones such as speaking later than most children, pronunciation problems, trouble with letters and alphabets, slow vocabulary growth etc.
We are indeed blessed that modern medicine offers several simple tests and procedures by which physical ailments (erroneously interpreted as LD) can be ruled out; for example, a pre-schooler unable to read alphabets may simply have poor vision which prevents him from seeing what the teacher writes on the blackboard.
Having said that, if your child is diagnosed with LD, there is nothing to fear; today, we have a pool of specialists, experts and trained professionals and caregivers who can open up the world of knowledge and opportunities which were earlier not easily available for children with LD.

The stumbling block continues to be acknowledging and accepting that your child had LD and needs special care; ironically, the main problem is not that the child has LD but that the parent is unable to accept the same; counselling (for the parent) is a must in such cases.
Your child (irrespective of disabilities) cannot thrive unless he has YOUR unconditional love, acceptance and support; without these key ingredients there really is no hope and therefore no help.

17 Feb 10, Wednesday: the Times of India (‘ToI’), Tuesday, 16 Feb 10, page 21 “doting grandparents can make children obese”.

priyankac — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 05:06:46 +0000

A seemingly ‘light’ read which talks about how children who are looked after by grandparents are at a much higher risk of obesity as compared with those in the care of nurseries or other caregivers.
However, the root of this problem is much deeper and more pervasive: the problem of indulgence. Today it seems, we have misunderstood and misapplied the meaning of love as indulgence, especially when it comes to raising our children.
Fast-paced lives, busy careers, smaller-families and higher disposable incomes have slowly replaced quality time with material comforts; kids today are facing a unique problem of plenty and the more stuff we buy them, the lesser they value it.

Balance is and has been the key to life; anything in extreme will have detrimental long term effects.
A child’s formative years are akin to a building’s foundation; a weak one will succumb to the slightest pressures and crumble; nothing can replace unconditional love and quality time which our children not only require but deserve; so, the next time you see yourself taking the easy way out (using indulgence as the easy escape), stop and think of that building whose foundation is in your hands.

Mumbai Mirror, Thursday, 11 Feb 10: page 3 – “Board opens helpline for SSC, HSC examinees, appeals against misuse”

priyankac — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 07:38:13 +0000

A welcome step in the right direction; one only hopes that the officials attending callers are well equipped to handle the stress that the students and parents face especially when the exams are around the corner.
A long term goal for the Board should be to have professionally-manned, counselling centres for students and parents all year around; this can go a long way in preventing students from succumbing to exam and other pressures. One cannot stress enough on the role that parents and family members of students need to play; some useful tips:
•   Keep your cool; children often look to parents for validation and an anxious parent cannot foster confidence in a child.
•   Don’t push your children; encourage them to give their best shot and assure them that failure is not the end of the world. Your love and support means the world to them, so, don’t hold back in expressing the same through words and actions.
•   Do not compare your child’s efforts and performance to others; nothing is more de-motivating than constant nagging and comparison.
•   Ensure the child gets enough rest and build in time for relaxation. All work and no play will indeed make Jack a dull boy.
•   Keep a keen watch for any signs of depression and seek help immediately.

While exams are a necessary evil of our education system, there is no reason why lives are lost in the process; the first combative measure starts at home.

8 Feb 10, Monday: Respect !!

priyankac — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 12:45:24 +0000

Respect, sadly, a term that is myopically understood and applied especially in our culture; I am sure all of us have at some point in our lives heard the instructions ‘respect your elders’ which is often demonstrated by folding of hands or touching of feet; often, this show of respect comes with a life-long unwritten rule that respect means never arguing or having disagreements with the person you ‘show’ respect to.
The truth however, is far away from the reality; respect, if correctly understood and applied can be a key to a treasure trove of meaningful and long-lasting relationships. Simply put, respect means understanding that each one of us is unique and thus incomparable; it means unconditional acceptance and appreciation of the person for who he or she is.
And contrary to popular belief and practice, respect needs to be taught from early childhood and the best way to teach something is to practice it!

Respect your child from the day that he is born so that he not only grows up to be a confident adult but learns the value of respect and applies it to all his relationships.
As adults, we would benefit too if we made ‘respect’ the foundation of all our relationships because from respect follow love and trust; so the next time you find yourself doubting and lecturing a loved one (without real cause for concern), stop yourself and allow the person the freedom to decide and do what’s best for him and be around unconditionally if the decision does not go right. Make sure however that you don’t say ‘I told you so’

Mumbai Mirror, page 8, Saturday, 30 Jan 10 – ‘Desperate to win fashion show, students assault two classmates’

priyankac — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 04:30:51 +0000

This news piece where a group of college students beat up two fellow-students who were strong contenders in a fashion show had all the alarm bells ringing.

The future of our country stands in jeopardy as the reason for crimes by youngsters are getting dangerously trivial.
In this case, what caused these 20 year olds to resort to such mindless violence is perhaps this current mantra: “success no matter what”.

While the world is getting increasingly competitive, the competitors themselves are displaying absolute disregard for fair play and tolerance. It seems that all that matters is success; how one achieves it is irrelevant. Perhaps, it’s the parent and teacher group that unknowingly fosters this overly competitive spirit; while our intention in doing so may be honourable, the outcome certainly isn’t!
Children from the very onset need to be taught that without hard work and fair play, success has no worth; encourage them to give their best shot and avoid comparisons with peers.

Let them know, that they have your unconditional love and support whether they succeed or not; a lot of children succumb to pressure and competition because they do not want to let their parents or teachers down; teach them that failure is part of success and that giving their best effort is what matters the most.
Failures are an integral part of life; we need to prepare our youth to take failure in their stride and not succumb to it.

This integral training starts at home and needs to be carried forward by the teacher group; all efforts should be towards creating a youth base that values hard work and maximises potential and doesn’t literally ‘kill’ competition.